i have not blogged in two years
by now, i am a completely different person from then, and am different from any person that i have ever been before. i am now anwar_april_2026
this is simply the nature of our existence. we are Never The Same Again!
hm.
so... i was thinkin bout like... a tambourine right... so its got all those cymbals on it or whatever those little disc things are or whatever you would call them, and i was like, oh a tambourine, like the song tambourine man, where the tambourine man plays a song right. it's like one of those things, where in songs they ask a guy to do a song for them. kind of. well i'm thinking of holy diver where dio says 'sing me a song, you're a singer'... kind of
anyway, i had a point writing this post but can't remember what it was.
hmmmmmmm it was like
oh okay,
it's like, we're traumatised by previous incarnations of ourselves. kind of.
it's like, we're traumatised into evolving. like that's weird right
like i'm for real though. if you were like, a person who lived your life being a hoe and were traumatised by being a hoe and being treated like one, would you not try to Not Be A Hoe in a future lifetime?
what about all of the potential qualities you could have had as Not A Hoe?
Then again, if you Were a hoe, then wouldn't you be married to all the things that encompasses being a Hoe, like being Dumb? makes you think about what we consider the truth and the lies we tell ourselves to make us feel better. does that even exist? what if it essentially both exists and doesn't exiat, because we don't even have the conscious ability to consider what lies we tell ourselves, lest we find what lies exist and the sources of them, which had been repressed into the backs of our minds to prevent our fragile mind from being able to consider, so that we don't completely break down into a puddle of tears.
Puddle of tears... suddenly puddle of mudd popped into my mind.
even a puddle of mudd is an object of our inter-incarnation trauma. but i guess the weird thing about a puddle of mudd is that on the flipside, there is a puddle of mudd which we'd be more than happy to play in, if we were a child in a world where societal standards and ideals didn't exist.. which is almost ironic, because as a child it's arguable that societal standards and ideals exist... which is weird because they don't until we will them into existence... unless we do have those standards... In Our Bones or like randomly by happenstance or whatsoever/what so have you.... et cetera....
anyway, my point was... idk... anyway, i was also thinking about masculinity right, like we have injerently contrived ideas of what masculinity is, and i was like, oh, masculinity is also contextual. which i guess is weird now that i think about it. because contextual doesn't seem to be the right word for me anymore..
i guess what i was trying to say was that masculinity exists as like a way to exist in any particular circumstance....
anyway, i'm bored of writing about what i was talking about.
let's see if i can start fresh and do what i was trying to do.
ok, soooo lets see. whats life like? well life's pretty shit actually. in a way, i thought the other day that wow my life's been shit all this while, but now that i'm here it's like nah, there were definitely some good times in life. but then again it gets set off balance by how dumb those times really were.
life is just a series of dumb times, Don't You Know It Yet?
speaking of a puddle of tears, what about a puddle of Fears?
Anyway, i guess what i'm feeling is like, being 33, i am now an old man. a shell of my former self, all of the things in life have come and go, passed me by like a hoe without a customer... it's self explanatory.
therefore, some things that are profound and also very simple.
speaking of hoes, remember amsterdam having hoes in windows and its sick because youre young and a virgin? gosh. what an absurd proposition. hoe in a window? lol. wonder what would happen if you bought one of them a coffee. like Hoes Are People Too, they would probably enjoy some coffee right?
well you;re probably WRONG, becuase you probably can't buy them some coffee because You Could Get Arrested For That, for the safety of the hoes, because we don't want some rando giving coffee to the hoes, In Case There Is Poison In It.
some people live their whole life They Are Hoes... imagine that...
I want to write about the Sea too! ... sorry i digress, i was reading a bit of this book which i bought which i had read when i was a child, a book called Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman. really really great book. inspiring. i had it on the table by the toilet in the bathroom where i kept most of the books i was reading. Back then, reading on the toilet was one of the best things ever. as good as today's ipads and smartphones, but not as good as the computer. because when i wasn't on the toilet reading, i would be at the computer, listening to music and seeing people's art and reading bizarre stories, on the internet, beccause all sorts of bizarre things happened all over the world, it was simply the times.
i guess when you think about it the world was at a crossroads, no? torn between their wife, a world of technology where nothing was ever the same or anything was ever how it had ever existed at any time ever in the history of everything, and the past, where everything was old, nothing was ever different, and nothing ever changed, because there was no reason for anything to change and there was never ever anymore, anything that happened that had not already happened.
So it is, the experience of being human. almost absurd. the audacity of borning me into such a time, such a place, such a world. born anew, where All is Gay and So Are You.
mournful... reincarnation... what a pitiful existence... i am not real, i am only a product of that which has already existed, already run its course, already filled with the knowledge of the disappointment, absurdity, ludicrousness and insanity of life...
WHAT MORE IS THERE!!!
well... the new avengers movie is out in a couple months, that should be good...
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